True confessions: I'm reading this cheesy self-help book right now called "It's called a break up because it's broken" by Greg Behrendt. Reading is an understatement, it's more like im holding it to my chest and going back to it every day- my own break-up bible.
One of the major ideas in the book is that the pain that you are feeling is in a large part fear- fear of being alone, fear of what you will become, fear of the unknown.
In the last couple weeks I've had a lot of laughably literal experiences. I almost want to raise my head and ask "really?", because it seemed so ridiculously obvious that I'm getting a "life lesson".
Last night was the first night in my cabin. Booking it from brooklyn I was so excited to be in the woods but once I got here I realized something obvious. I'm going to be scared stiff sleeping here alone! Scared like your freaked out 8 year old who wants in your bed scared. I'm in this remote cabin, no glass on the windows only mesh (hello murderers and monsters), no telephone. Just me under the covers freaking out. I finally got to sleep after a glass of wine and keeping the light on, only to be woken up at around 3am by this giant lightening storm. Huge winds, pelting rain (remember, no glass in windows) and huge flashes of lightening over head and on the lake for about 2 hours. The whole cabin was creaking and felt like it was going to come down around me.
And I laughed. If this was the worst that being alone would feel then I had done it. I'd starred my fears in the face and not been eaten by wolves or dragged away by a faceless hitchhiker. In the morning, the heat of yesterday had passed and there was a cool breeze blowing. Oh, and a broken tree looming precariously over the cabin.
I woulda been right there with you whispering... I think I hear him. I think he's got Missy.
ReplyDeleteI read that same book. The one that became my bible/life raft was Attached. The first month is the most difficult--It will get easier.
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